Last week we talked about Four Things That’ll Keep You Stuck. Today I really want to dive a little deeper into that Inflexible view of yourself. I hear you… Now Shalethea I don’t have an inflexible view of myself. Well, I hear you and I thought the same thing for the longest time but when you are really on a journey of learning you take the time to really read, listen, feel, and hear things. So if you are on that journey make sure you take the time to at least take some time to make sure you really don’t have inflexibility.
The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines inflexibility as:
1: rigidly firm in will or purpose : UNYIELDING
2: not readily bent : lacking or deficient in suppleness
3: incapable of change : UNALTERABLE
Now I am not saying it is not good to stand firm on beliefs as we must at some point in time for certain things in our lives. But, what I am saying is being so rigid you can’t or won’t look at anything other than your belief as fact or take another belief into consideration is a problem. I’m rarely surprised that I frequently see rigidness in individuals who are depressed and anxious (I myself used to be so ridged that I was anxious and depressed). People who are controlling and inflexible often find themselves frustrated because honestly the rest of the world will not live by their rules, expectations, and schedules.
I would like to take a look at a few of these beliefs I see often to further understand this. You see it all the time everywhere and it is appears to only be getting worse. Polarization seems to be at the forefront of many things going on. We will take one that has been going on and is very fresh in my mind because I never stop seeing it.
With the pandemic no matter what you believe it seems one of the arguments surrounding everything is the masks. I’m not hear to debate whether wearing a mask or not is the right thing to do. What I will say is once a person has made there mind up either way on this subject they are unyielding to their belief. They have no flexibility to see it from the other sides point of view. This has only caused sharp divide among people. Each side will say read the science, both sides will call the other sheeple, very few people that I have seen will try to be understanding to why a person believes what they believe.
Let’s look at something different because I know the pandemic is a beat down tiresome subject for so many. I have a friend (yes I have a few ☻) and as we were talking she brought up how people will get into a relationship that doesn’t work out and then they get this belief that relationships are horrible and don’t work. Well the relationship they were in obviously didn’t work out but that doesn’t support their believe that all relationships are horrible and non ever work. Let’s face it they haven’t had a relationship with everyone so they couldn’t possibly know that no relationship would ever work. But, now because of that one experience they are unyielding in the belief that relationships are bad and don’t work. Now if they get into a relationship they bring that baggage with them, that belief. This will influence the way they react to the other person and ultimately manipulate the outcome of that relationship as well. Unyielding and not willing to see a different perspective can be detrimental to the things you wish to accomplish. Belief is a very powerful thing.
Let’s learn to become less ridged, to question our underlying beliefs, and change our outcomes! Flexibility means seeing things from different perspectives not just your own, tolerating ambiguity (there is always another interpretation), taking risks (I’m not talking about jumping out of airplanes), and learning from mistakes. It will help as we have to adapt to a constantly changing environment. Flexibility leads to openness (wouldn’t it be nice if people could be more open), more opportunities, and less depression and anxiety.
Here are 2 things you can do to start becoming more flexible if you choose to accept the challenge.
- Observe your rigid behaviors. Spend several days being and observer of your routines and rules. As you make these observations write them down. Don’t just stop there ask your partner or friends to get their perspective on what they observe about your rigidness. Write down the observations they may have. Now, this exercise isn’t meant to make you feel bad so don’t feel bad. We all have things we are working on and things we are striving to accomplish. You should be proud you are taking action. This exercise should help you learn in what ways you can make your life more flexible.
- 2. Try new things. Just do it, try something new. Pick a new food you have been wanting to try, find a movie you wouldn’t normally watch and watch it, read a book you thought you never would have, try a new shampoo, or a detergent, anything will work! Get your brain used to doing things differently and not always being stuck doing the same things. Many people now have social anxiety and are constantly worried about being judged by others. If you have this issue be honest about the worst thing that could happen…you might feel uncomfortable? But taking a risk or making a change will help you tackle the unexpected and open up to new experiences.
We must find a balance between structure and spontaneity. Structure will allow for a framework, choices, and some flexibility, but being rigid means you do everything the same way all the time without fail — or else. How in the world do you find balance? The best thing I have found is to maintain a structure and some form of organization, but allow some time for fun and maybe taking advantage of new interesting opportunities that come your way.
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